Teen Parents lead to National Debate on Abortion

Teen parents: Bristol Palin, 17, and her boyfriend, Levi Johnston, 18, have ignited a national debate over abortion.
Photo: Susan Walsh / AP

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Policies Politics in USA
Poverty, not sex ed, key factor in teen pregnancy
Jonathan Zimmerman
Thursday, September 4, 2008

One side thinks adolescents should receive more "comprehensive" information about sex, including contraception. The others side favors a more didactic approach, with a simpler message: "abstinence only."

Sound familiar?

Brace yourself for yet another round in America's perennial teen-pregnancy wars. On Monday, GOP vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin confirmed that her 17-year-old daughter Bristol is five months pregnant. Faster than you could say "condoms," liberals and conservatives lined up in predictable battle formations. To the liberal camp, of course, the news about Bristol Palin simply confirmed the need for comprehensive sex education in the schools. On the right, meanwhile, Palin's pregnancy spurred new calls for abstinence-only instruction.

They're both wrong.

Let's start with conservatives, and their stubborn demand for abstinence-only education. Last year, an exhaustive five-year study confirmed that kids receiving this instruction are no more likely to delay sexual intercourse than their peers.

But the abstinence-only sex education program still draws $175 million in federal money and untold sums from states and localities. As governor of Alaska, indeed, Sarah Palin supported abstinence-only education and denounced "explicit sex-ed programs" in the schools.

Yet we still don't have any evidence that these explicit programs work, either. As University of Pennsylvania sociologist Frank Furstenberg confirmed last year, in an exhaustive review of the literature, efforts to prove the effectiveness of comprehensive sex education are "generally unimpressive, to say the least."

We know that these programs can enhance students' knowledge about risky sex behaviors and change their attitudes toward these same behaviors. But can sex education actually influence what kids do? As best we can tell, it can't.

There's only one point on which both sides seem to agree: Teen pregnancy is a big problem. They differ on their solutions, of course, but everyone seems to believe that pregnancy hurts the life chances of teenage moms and their children.

Again, the data suggest otherwise. As Furstenberg has shown, bearing a child as a teenager doesn't hurt a woman's prospects for education, job advancement or marriage. Ditto for her kids, who don't suffer any measurable consequences from having a teenage mother.

Instead, they suffer for a much more basic reason: They're poor. About two-thirds of teenage mothers live at or below the poverty line at the time they give birth. The less income and opportunity that you have, the more likely you are to become a teenage parent.

So Americans have it exactly backward. Teen pregnancy doesn't deprive our kids of life chances; instead, kids who lack those chances are the ones who get pregnant. Why? Nobody knows for sure. But it seems that young women who have a sense of power and confidence in their lives are more likely to use contraception. Impoverished girls often lack that confidence, so they don't take measures to protect themselves. They are also less likely to have abortions, which are often too expensive or heavily tabooed in poor communities.

And so the war rages, largely untethered by facts. For in the end, this struggle isn't really about facts at all. It's about rival views of sex itself. Left-leaning Americans view sex as a normal part of human development, so they want to give adolescents the information that will help them make responsible decisions about it. But social conservatives think sex should be reserved for one population alone: married people. Everyone else should abstain, especially if they're teenagers.

That helps explain why Sarah Palin - in revealing Bristol's pregnancy - also announced that her daughter will marry Levi Johnston, the 18-year-old father of Bristol's unborn baby. To drive the point home, Johnston has joined the Palins at the GOP convention. It's a family affair, and now he's a part of it.

The decision won immediate acclaim from conservatives, who regard unwedded childbearing as the greatest plague on the land. And there's a significant body of research showing that children raised by two parents do better than those in single-parent homes.

But we also know that so-called "shotgun" marriages - that is, unions forged in response to a pregnancy - are heavily prone to divorce. That's one reason why divorce rates are so much higher in so-called red states, where young people are more likely to marry after conceiving a child.

All things being equal, of course, it's still best for our teenagers - and for their offspring - to delay parenthood. But all things are not equal, and that's the whole point here. The hype over teen pregnancy diverts us from the truly serious problem in American society, which is the growing poverty of teenagers themselves. Last year, for example, UNICEF ranked the United States second to last among 21 developed Western nations in child health, safety and material well-being. Changing the teen pregnancy rate won't change any of that.

So don't feel sorry for Bristol Palin or her unborn child, who will probably turn out OK. So did Ann Dunham, who bore a son when she was just 18. You've probably heard of him: Barack Obama. He seems to have done pretty well, too.

Instead, think about the teen parents who lack the social and material advantages that you do. Remember that in most cases they're parents because they're poor, and not the other way around. The more we fight about teen pregnancy, the less we'll focus upon teen poverty. And that's bad news for all of us.

Jonathan Zimmerman teaches history and education at New York University. He is the author of "Innocents Abroad: American Teachers in the American Century" (Harvard University Press).


This article appeared on page B - 7 of the San Francisco Chronicle

© 2008 Hearst Communications Inc.



The real mistake in 'teen pregnancy'

story, stigma and realities

By Mike Males

July 13, 2008

Given America's increasing obsession with teenage pregnancy over the last three decades, it's inevitable that sensational stories such as Gloucester High School's mythical pregnancy pact would generate a media frenzy.

Ignited by Time magazine's June 18 feature, the story exploded in the national and international media, growing wilder and wilder: Girls 16 and younger who lived in upscale Gloucester, Mass., conspired to get pregnant. When their pregnancy tests proved positive, they reportedly "high-fived" each other in celebration and fantasized about raising their babies together. A huge "spike" in the number of pregnancies at the high school, from an average of four in previous years to 17 this year, testified to a national epidemic.

None of the lurid claims in the article turned out to be true, however. Subsequent investigation revealed no pregnancy pact, no mass celebrations, no communal schemes, no pop-culture incitement. Joseph Sullivan, the principal of Gloucester High School and the original source of the story, wouldn't name his sources. The three pregnant girls located in Gloucester turned out to be 17 years old. As for the proclaimed jump in pregnancies at the high school,Massachusetts Department of Public Health reports showed that school officials had apparently overlooked the fact that births among students had been higher in previous years.

The fictional Gloucester teen pact did provide reporters, officials and "experts" with another opportunity to lambaste teenagers who get pregnant and the reasons they do: pop culture, moral laxity and/or lack of sex education. Unfortunately, such commentators ignored a far more important truth revealed by the myth: The three-decade national teen-pregnancy furor is mired in unreality. Selected "facts" and fables are repeated, often wildly exaggerated and sometimes made up to suit the immediate needs of this or that teen-pregnancy prevention group.

In truth, social- and health-policy discussions in this country would profit from abandoning the stigmatizing, prejudicial concept of "teenage pregnancy" altogether. Dumping the notion would help end the quarreling among pregnancy prevention groups and eliminate many of the fact-challenged assertions they cite to make their case.

The term is counterproductive for two reasons. First, it perpetuates pre-1950s sexist misnomers.A large majority of male partners involved in teenage pregnancy are not the high school boys frequently blamed, but men age 20 and older, according to birth tabulations by the California Center for Health Statistics and national surveys.So, instead of criticizing the "high rate of teenage pregnancy" in the U.S., shouldn't we be condemning the "high rate of adults impregnating teens"? In addition, in an era of gender equality -- in which men are expected to share in sexual responsibility and child-raising -- why is a 19-year-old woman knocked up by a 22-year-old man stigmatized as part of the "social problem of teenage pregnancy," but a 22-year-old woman impregnated by a 19-year-old man isn't? Isn't the real problem, regardless of the mothers' ages, fathers who fail to support their kids?

Teenage motherhood may actually make economic sense for poorer young women, some research suggests. For instance, long-term studies by Duke economist V. Joseph Hotz and colleagues, published in 2005, found that by age 35, former teen moms had earned more in income, paid more in taxes, were substantially less likely to live in poverty and collected less in public assistance than similarly poor women who waited until their 20s to have babies. Women who became mothers in their teens -- freed from child-raising duties by their late 20s and early 30s to pursue employment while poorer women who waited to become moms were still stuck at home watching their young children -- wound up paying more in taxes than they had collected in welfare.

Eight years earlier, the federally commissioned report "Kids Having Kids" also contained a similar finding, though it was buried: "Adolescent childbearers fare slightly better than later-childbearing counterparts in terms of their overall economic welfare."

Unfortunately, such findings have been ignored by all sides in the debate. That teenage motherhood may represent a rational long-term economic choice for poorer women wasn't what activist groups that invoke the "social costs" of teen pregnancy wanted to hear.

Dwelling on the social costs of teen pregnancy also leads to erroneous claims of success. Abstinence-education promoters such as the Family Research Council and sex-education boosters such as Planned Parenthood have rushed to take credit for the 25% decline in births and pregnancies by teens since 1990. But tabulations by the National Center for Health Statistics show that from 1990 to 2006, births by unwed teens -- those whom the programs and policies most strenuously sought to deter -- actually increased by 3%, as did births by unwed adults. The decline in births by teen mothers since 1990 consisted of 100,000 fewer births by married teens and their generally adult-aged husbands -- hardly the group teen-pregnancy prevention organizations had targeted.

If Planned Parenthood, the Family Research Council and the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unwanted Pregnancy really want to reduce unwanted teen pregnancies, they should study such factors as poverty, the older ages of male partners, the advantages having children afford poorer young women and the plunge in births among married teens and adults, among other realities. That would be easier if the stigmatizing concept of "teenage pregnancy" was not part of our health-policy deliberations.

Mike Males formerly taught sociology at UC Santa Cruz and now researches for the online information service YouthFacts.org.



Copyright © 2009, The Los Angeles Times





















When most people are asked why teenage women become pregnant, they respond with something on the lines of, "They become pregnant because they could not control the urge of temptation before getting married." That is not entirely true for most teenage women. In fact the reason most teenage girls become pregnant is because they do not get enough love and attention. They do not have a parent willing or able to talk to them about their lives and to direct them in the right direction. Single parent families are usually in poverty. Teenage women who have only one parent in the house are sometimes neglected all the time because that one parent is out working and trying to support the family. According to Evelyn Lerman in Teen Moms: The Pain and the Promise, the eighty percent of teenage women who become pregnant are in poverty before they become pregnant.

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As a result of their neglect, teenage women might crave love. So, they seek out someone to love, and that someone would be a boy or man to have a loving relationship. The woman intends to spend her life with the guy. They become closer emotionally and physically. The woman feels compelled to invest her body to maintain the relationship and that is where the problems of becoming pregnant begin.

Some teenage women in a loveless household might not feel the need to be loved by a boyfriend. However, without a parent to direct the teenager and set limits, a teenager might be unable to distinguish right from wrong. That is where peer pressure takes hold. Teenagers who are part of the "wrong" crowd of people who smoke, drink alcohol, take drugs, and have sex might be pressured by their peers to follow their routines. Lerman estimates that twenty-five percent of teenagers feel pressured to have sex. The best way to fight peer pressure is to have a strong relationship with a parent, and without a parent to talk to that might be extremely hard if not impossible to fight.

Another form of pressure to have sex comes from television, movies, and other media. Teenagers see these characters in movies and television sleeping around and not getting pregnant; or they hear about the promiscuous lives of singers, actors, models, writers, or sports players, but do not hear about the often-tragic outcome of their sex lives. So, they are given the message that it is not dangerous to have sex with one person, or even more. Teenage girls might also receive the message that it is ok to have sex from another source: their moms. Single mothers who had a child when they were teens, and are now managing their lives might be giving a message to their daughters without even knowing it. Their teen daughters can see that they made it though life even though they had sex so young, and that they [teenage girls] can do it too. Sixty percent of all teens are raised by a single parent (Lerman).

Teenage girls who do not have a father figure in their lives are more likely to favor having a relationship with an older man to compensate. In fact, in a majority of relationships with teenage girls dating older men, the younger the girl the older the man. A big reason for this is that a teenager feels so hip and cool showing off her older boyfriend to all her friends and colleagues. Teenage women may feel a sense of psychological security with an older, fatherly man in their lives. Money can be a reason for dating an older man. Women who are in poverty and want a better and more comfortable lifestyle would gravitate to a man who has big assets. Of course some teenage girls do not care about popularity, security, or money. They just love the person that they are with. They fall in love with their intelligence, background, or kindness. Then the girl begins to have sex with the older man, and becomes pregnant. When this happens, a girl's life can be ruined even more severely compared to getting pregnant with someone around her age. The teenager could be mocked and called such violent words as a "whore" or "tramp". She could lose her reputation, family, and friends. Worst of all she could lose her boyfriend if he were to be sentenced to jail for having sex with a minor or in some cases being forced to choose between her and his wife. All of these outcomes can diminish a teenage girl's self image and well being. Most relationships with older men do not work out because the two people involved eventually realize that they have little or nothing in common.

The Psychological Effects of Teenage Women During Pregnancy
by Sean Powers (September 22, 2002)


Comments on
Are Same-Sex Couples Better Parents?
by Dr. Ashok Koparday

Same sex couples are as stable, as good or as bad as heterosexual couples. Thus, same sex couples do not make better parents.
When kids are adopted by same sex couples there is likely to be more confusion in growing children about gender dynamics. Kids would be more exasperated with the question, "Who are my real parents?", and children will tend to feel they are 'aliens' in the human community around them.
These are conjectures.
There is no research material that is statistically significant and placebo controlled to vouch for the conjecture.
It however, gets general people, policy and law makers, thinking from an additional dimension of human rights, the rights of 'children' in cases of same sex marriages.

Are Same-Sex Couples Better Parents?
Lisa Belkin of the New York Times reviews some of the recent research:

This growth, coupled with the passage of time, means there is a large cohort of children who are now old enough to yield solid data. And the portrait emerging tells us something about the effects of gay parenting. It also contains lessons for all parents. “These children do just fine,” says Abbie E. Goldberg, an assistant professor in the department of psychology at Clark University, who concedes there are some who will continue to believe that gay parents are a danger to their children, in spite of a growing web of psychological and sociological evidence to the contrary. Her new book, “Lesbian and Gay Parents and Their Children,” is an analysis of more than 100 academic studies, most looking at groups of 30 to 150 subjects, and primarily on lesbian mothers, though of late there is a spike in research about gay fathers.

In most ways, the accumulated research shows, children of same-sex parents are not markedly different from those of heterosexual parents. They show no increased incidence of psychiatric disorders, are just as popular at school and have just as many friends. While girls raised by lesbian mothers seem slightly more likely to have more sexual partners, and boys slightly more likely to have fewer, than those raised by heterosexual mothers, neither sex is more likely to suffer from gender confusion nor to identify themselves as gay.

More enlightening than the similarities, however, are the differences, the most striking of which is that these children tend to be less conventional and more flexible when it comes to gender roles and assumptions than those raised in more traditional families. There are data that show, for instance, that daughters of lesbian mothers are more likely to aspire to professions that are traditionally considered male, like doctors or lawyers — 52 percent in one study said that was their goal, compared with 21 percent of daughters of heterosexual mothers, who are still more likely to say they want to be nurses or teachers when they grow up. (The same study found that 95 percent of boys from both types of families choose the more masculine jobs.) Girls raised by lesbians are also more likely to engage in “roughhousing” and to play with “male-gendered-type toys” than girls raised by straight mothers. And adult children of gay parents appear more likely than the average adult to work in the fields of social justice and to have more gay friends in their social mix.

On the difference in gender based expectations:

Same-sex couples, it seems, are less likely to impose certain gender-based expectations on their children, says M. V. Lee Badgett, director of the Center for Public Policy and Administration at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst and author of “When Gay People Get Married: What Happens When Societies Legalize Same-Sex Marriage.” Studies of lesbian parents have found that they “are more feminist parents,” she says, “more open to girls playing with trucks and boys playing with dolls,” with fewer worries about conforming to perceived norms.

They are also, by definition, less likely to impose gender-based expectations on themselves. “Same-sex parents tend to be more equal in parenting,” Goldberg says, while noting that no generalization can apply to all parents of any sexual orientation. On the whole, though, lesbian mothers (there’s little data here on gay dads) tend not to divide chores and responsibilities according to gender-based roles, Goldberg says, “because you have taken gender out the equation. There’s much more fluidity than in many heterosexual relationships.”

So while we arguably spend too much time focusing on children, when it comes to the topic of nontraditional marriage, maybe we should start focusing on them more. One of the few parenting conversations that is not child-centric might be well served to become so. These are questions of rights and equality for adults, yes, but also questions of what is good for the kids.



Young boys are gripped with asphyxiating fear before marriage when they notice that they do not get hard on as they used to.
"How can I marry?
How can I do sex?
On getting married if I am not able to do sexual intercourse, how shameful it will be?
Running away from home or dying is better.
Why should I spoil an innocent girl's life?
How can I give her sexual satisfaction, which is primary to married relation?
Will she not seek love out of marriage?"

"Doctor my cock is not hard enough." He adds, "my penis is small in size." These young men keep postponing their wedding. When they run out of excuses the need to see a sex therapist is imminent.

There are many young men who are haunted like a ghost with a grave unspeakable doubt about their capability to do sex because they can see their penis is not stiff enough even when they are watching porn movies. The penis has shrunk and become small.

Sex Therapists work is not as simple as that of Medical Specialists, who write prescription for medicines and there ends doctor's job. A significant part of treatment given by Sex Therapist consists of sessions of psycho sexual therapy, correction of cognitive disorders. The doctor who specializes in treating sexual dysfunctions cannot finish his job in 10 minutes and call the next patient in. The matter is extremely important in the person's life. The doctor has to give adequate time so that his words work like powerful magic. No doubt the results are absolutely fantastic. It is satisfying to see them regain confidence and get married and have sexual intercourse as normal people do.





ok so the last 2 days my erection hasnt been the hardest it should be, and im really upset about it. the gf wants to have fun with me but now im worried =/ this just happened out of nowhere too, its very weird because last week my erections were rock hard and perfect but now its not as good. I think this is erectile dysfunction and it just came out nowhere...! is there anyway to overcome this? i dont wanna use medications or anything like that, and how long could this last? because i dont want to upset my gf ;( I need to overcome this!

by xxx xxx:
AGE? if your like 20's thats early for ED.
but like people like 30-50 its more common.
umm if you have it , you have it forever.
the have meds for it but theres no magic pill that makes everything better.
Idk what to say. Talk to your doctor , he'll know what to do.
And also dont be embarrassed to be on medication. tons of people have ED.

by xxx xxx:
Maybe you don't really like her.

by xxxx xxx:
Stop drinking
stop taking any drugs
look into any prescribed medication

Exercise daily..

Failing all that, try taking one kamagra (its the same as viagra) I order from this company

relax more. spend more time with foreplay. when you are worried about it , it will not work.

by xxx xxx:

you can start working out .. that seems to help on energy, also i being trying to get in shape and I started using Nolvadex xt, is a steroid boosters, I had crazy energy and i don't know what viagra works but I felt I was on it. Saw a hot hot girl I was ready in 3 secs.

By xxx xxx xxx:
First thing you have to do is RELAX! If you get stressed out and focus on the fact that you couldn't "get it up," you never will.
Next, check on whether or not your taking any sort of meds, prescription, over the counter or even recreational drugs can impact how "ready to go" you become. Stuff like muscle relaxers and some painkillers will cause problems. Cold medicine that "speeds you up" also causes it.
If nothing like that is going on, try enjoying extended your foreplay sessions. Your lady will always appreciate that, especially if you're giving her "oral."
Good luck!

i doubt its erectyle disfunction.
my boyfriend had the same issue when he started doing those things with me.
he was upset and really embarrassed by it.
but we talked about it , but anything i said didnt help him realize he shouldn't be upset or embarrassed.
it happens.
you'll over come it.
i don't really remember how me and my boyfriend got through it.
we went to have sex for the first time without the comdom.
and just shoved him in the way he was , he was hard but not REALLLLLLLLY extremely as hard as he could be.
just has he tried to go at it, he got harder.
and ever since then we just start without a condom.
and once hes hard he puts one on.
( but he makes sure he pees before we have sex so then there is no sperm in pre come )
ACTUALLy, now he has no problem getting hard.
and he gets really hard ;)

xxx xxx:
It's all about blood flow. A good healthy diet with a lot of greens will work wonders as well as exercise which circulates the blood. Emotional problems and stress will cause ED as well.

Take care of yourself first and then stay focused on your GF's pleasure during sex- you'll be fine.

by xxx xxx:
Get some viagra tablets you'll be hard as nails all night.

by xxx xxx:
Relax. You had a couple bad days. It happens.You don't have ED.

by Dr. Ashok Koparday:


There is a way to overcome your present situation. If last week your erections were rock hard than throw away the word 'erectile dysfunction'.

Last two days your had erections, which you found not as hard as it should be. Throw away the word 'should be'. It is notorious for causing sex problems.

"ok so the last 2 days my appetite hasn't been the best as it should be, and im really upset about it. the mother wants to _ _ _"

The above comment sounds ridiculous for we know that some times we do eat less, yet that doesn't drive us to Gastroenterologist, for we are not upset.

Similarly, it is common to notice less 'hard on' on some days. Often there is no particular reason for this. You noticed the erection was less, but you failed to notice that your excitement at that time was less, 'not as it should be' using your language.

Constant attention to check erectile function diverts attention instead of being focussed freely on sexual excitement. This is the culprit that can interfere with getting rock like 'hard on'. Getting alarmed is poisonous.

Earlier you never bothered about erection. Sexual arousal peaked and you got an erection automatically, effortlessly.
This 'care free' attitude is winning formula to regain rock like 'hard on'.

If, even once you notice 'hard on', as during masturbation or early morning when you wake up (Nocturnal Penile Tumescence), you can be sure that you will get back your usual hard on and have fun.

In fact if you do nothing then too you will get hard on as you were getting earlier because what you noticed in two days was temporary and not an uncommon occurence.

Dr.Ashok Koparday
Consultant in Sexual Medicine

by xxx xxx xxx:
Read the following article to see if any of the items listed apply to you. If they do - then lifestyle adjustments are necessary to help resolve your issue. If not - then a medical evaluation will help.


Definite DON'Ts

Alcohol kills reproductive cells and decreases sperm viability. It also disrupts the link between the brain and the penis. Excessive use of alcohol inhibits the creation of the male sex hormone, androgen.

Nicotine reduces arterial pressure and as a result, prevents blood circulation to the penis. In addition, toxic substances from smoking are detrimental for sperm maturation.

Sharply reduces the level of male sexual hormones, disrupts chromosomes and promotes undesired genetic changes.

Anabolic Steroids
Anabolic steroids bear a close resemblance to testosterone and as a result, the body stops its natural production causing impotence to occur.

High Cholesterol
Too much cholesterol blocks the vessels providing blood to the penis and thereby reduces the blood flow necessary to maintain an erection.

Being overweight can disrupt your hormone balance and, as a result, the production of hormones necessary for achieving erection can become insufficient.

Chemical drugs
Studies show that out of two hundred most used medicines; as many as sixteen are likely to cause impotence. Among the most risky are drugs used for the treatment of high blood pressure, depression, insomnia, ulcers, tumors, plus a couple of medications used to combat allergy

Yahoo answers





SEX gives glowing skin and silky hair, fit body and calmer mind. Sex reduces stress-irritability-depression. Sex gives longer life and .....


Richer sexual life endows women with harmony in hormonal changes.
Good sexual life gives better hormonal and biochemical balance beneficial during premenstrual, pre-menopausal, menopausal and postmenopausal changes.
Regular sex and intimacy is important for psychological and physiological well being. Good sex life is expected to reduce incidence of gynecological disorders such as ovarian diseases, uterine fibroids, cancer of breast and cervix.
More scientific study and research is necessary to establish health benefits of sex for women.
On fast track
Dr. Ashok Koparday.

Benefits of sex

dental shine

skin and hair
irritable or depressed
burns calories
physical emotional health
protects against diseases
joint and muscle pain
stress reliever
physically healthier
blood circulation
metabolic rate
well being of mind and soul

To this are added benefits of love
SOUL satisfaction,
feeling secure, wanted and loved
Gives sense of belonging
EMOTIONAL well being
Sex is Nature's tranquilizer. Reduces stress, irritability, depression.

Below is verbatim article from





dated 21 February 2009, 12:00pm IST

You would have never thought that a kiss could help keeping dental worries at bay or a gratifying sexual act at night make you feel fit and
Lovemaking couple
Have fun in bed for a healthy life

fresh the next morning. But that's what studies across the web claim.
skin and hair
Healthy sex leads to a healthy life. You may have tried copious measures to get that extra glowing skin and shiny hair.
You must have also worked out rigorously to achieve that perfect ten figure you've desired. But the key to your mind and heart is fulfilling sex.
irritable or depressed
Even for those who lose their temper or are always in a depressed state of mind, 'sex' can be the solution.
burns calories
physical emotional health
protects against diseases
joint and muscle pain
stress reliever
physically healthier
blood circulation
metabolic rate
well being of mind and soul

To this are added benefits of love
feel secure, wanted, loved
sense of belonging
A happy sexual life with your partner not only gets you in shape with better skin texture and silken tresses, it also burns extra calories, keeps you fit, combats asthma, relieves headache, reduces depression and tranquilises your mind. From make-up experts, hair stylists, sexologists and fitness connoisseurs – there's a common consensus that a vigourous sexual life leads to a healthy life – both physically and emotionally. We get them share more on this...

There have been several notions stating that 'sex' produces certain hormones that bring happiness, which lead to a fit body and a healthy mind. Shedding some light on this, Dr. Sanjay Chugh, specialist on sexual issues, states, "Sex contributes to general good health. Any sexual intimacy that is enjoyable and pleasurable promotes well being by providing several physical and psychological benefits. It is believed that sex boosts chemicals in the body that protects us against diseases. Research also suggests that sex and masturbation can help ease joint and muscle pain, combat depression, promote heart health and lengthen one's life span."

Dr. Samir Parikh, clinical psychiatrist adds, "The basic fact is that a good sex life also means in a larger picture, a good relationship with one's partner and this makes the partner happier, less stressed and by virtue of that physically healthier."

Not just this, sex also accelerates blood circulation and one's basic metabolic rate, which further enhances the well-being of our mind and soul and helps us calm down.

On these emotional benefits, Dr Chugh adds, "A satisfying sexual relationship strengthens the bond between couples, making them feel secure and loved. The feeling of emotional connectedness adds to ones sense of belonging, which in totality helps them achieve a positive physical, psychological and spiritual state that is necessary for one's general health."

Elaborating further, on a scientific angle, Dr Avdesh Sharma, a consultant psychiatrist, and an expert on relationship issues shares, "Sex is a way of bonding at the physical, mental and emotional level and leads to health (including psychological) benefits. If it is used as a mechanical process, it may have limited benefits. There are physiological benefits of positive changes in parameters like pulse, heart rate, reduction in blood pressure
(after an increase in B.P. specially if vigourous sex is tried), dilation of blood vessels and capillaries of the skin, leading to a 'glow', burning of a few calories (depending on the duration of the act and vigour), exercising of some of the muscles, thus improving lung capacity (during heavy breathing)."

However, we also need to understand that sexual acts work more in terms of improving resistance, but are not a safe guard or a treatment to illnesses. Any sexual act can neither be used as a treatment nor would it change your stresses of life, which one would need to resolve irrespective.

"The extra edge of sex may be due to the feeling of being wanted, an expression of emotions and certain hormonal and physiological changes that happen as an expression of love for another individual. Unfortunately, the benefits of sexuality are usually quoted out of context and people may look at this as a panacea for everything. But sexuality without emotions have limited value," concludes Dr Avdesh Sharma.


How sperms are attracted to ovum?

Understanding how sperm are attracted to ovaries and eggs might lead to treatments for problems with human conception.

Sperm on a treadmill

Although scientists are still trying to figure out the exact chemicals that urge such an attraction, sperm swim vigorously in the direction of extracts from various female reproductive organs, especially ovaries.

What is chemotaxis?

Scientists call this type of attraction chemotaxis.
"Defects in sperm chemotaxis may be a cause of infertility, and consequently, sperm chemotaxis could potentially be used as a diagnostic tool to determine sperm quality or as a therapeutic procedure in male infertility," said study co-author Stephen Jacobson.
mouse sperm cells, researchers at the University of Indiana, Bloomington



Sexes differ in the way they respond to stress.
Women and men differ in mechanism of coping with stress.

Recent study published in the Journal of Physiology and Behavior Gert J.Ter Horst, Team at the University Medical Center Groningen, Netherlands, "We conclude that the female brain has a different innate strategy to handle stress than the male brain and that female animal models are necessary for studying the underlying mechanisms and options for treatment."

Women in the reproductive age are more vulnerable to develop affective disorders than men. This difference may attribute to anatomical differences, hormonal influences and environmental factors such as stress. However, the higher prevalence in women normalizes once menopause is established, suggesting that ovarian hormones may play an important role in the development of depression in women. Ovarian hormones such as estrogen can pass the brain-blood barrier and bind to cytoplasmatic estrogen receptor (ER)-alpha and ER-beta in different areas of the limbic system. During stress, estrogen can modulate the behavioral and neurobiological response depending on the concentrations of estrogen. In this review we present evidence for disparate effects of chronic stress on neuroplasticity and brain activity in male and female rats. Furthermore, we will demonstrate that effects of social support on coping with stress can be mimicked by social housing of rats and that this model can be used for identification of underlying neurobiological mechanisms, including behavior, phosphorylation of CREB and ERK1/2, and brain activity changes as measured with fos expression. Using cyclic administration of estrogen in ovariectomized female rats we could specifically address effects of different plasma estrogen levels and antidepressants on stress-induced neuroplasticity and activity changes. In this model we also studied effects of estrogen on recovery after chronic stress. We conclude that the female brain has a different innate strategy to handle stress than the male brain and that female animal models are necessary for studying the underlying mechanisms and options for treatment.

ScienceDirect - Physiology & Behavior : Sex differences in stress responses: Focus on ovarian hormones

Study Team

Gert J. Ter Horst, Romy Wichmanna, Marjolein Gerritsa, Christel Westenbroeka and Yanhua Lina

Dept. Neuroscience, Neuroimaging Center & Section Anatomy, University Medical Center Groningen, Antonius Deusinglaan 2, PO Box 196, 9700 AD Groningen, The Netherlands

Received 9 December 2008;
revised 3 February 2009;
accepted 20 February 2009.
Available online 9 March 2009.
Accessed online 20 March 2009

Sex differences in stress responses

Journal of Physiology and Behavior


Sex in Animals and Human beings

by Henry Stanton (Excerpt)
Sex and the part it plays in human life cannot be ignored. In the case of animals sex plays a simpler and less complex rôle. It is a purely natural and instinctive function whose underlying purpose is the perpetuation of the species. It is not complicated by the many incidental phenomena which result, in man's case, from psychologic, economic, moral and religious causes. Climate, social conditions, individual modes of life and work, alcohol, wealth and poverty, and other factors affect sexual activity in human beings. Sexual love, which is practically unknown to the animals, is a special development of the sex urge in the human soul. The deeper purpose of the sex function in human beings, likewise, is procreation, the reproduction of species.

Online Reader - Project Gutenberg

Silva Rhetoricae: The Forest of Rhetoric
For you have but mistook me all this while.
I live with bread like you, feel want,
Taste grief, need friends: subjected thus,
How can you say to me I am a king?
—Shakespeare, Richard II 3.2.174-177


I'm Gay and You're Not:

Understanding Homosexuality Fears

OCD Takes Many Forms

Straight versus Gay people who have anxiety

Before such treatment, HOCD is all terror and rant. I am now going to type two imaginary rants. The first will be by a straight male who has HOCD. The second will be by an gay male who is in the closet but has no HOCD. Can you see the difference?

Diagnostic Puzzle


I know that I am gay, but I have only ever gotten hard with girls. This must be because I am in the closet, and I know that I'll suddenly get hard with guys once I come out. But the thought of being with another guy makes me sick. Damn, gay stuff is so disgusting! I'd never want some naked guy to touch me that way. But my mind tells me that this is what I want, and that I'll be O.K. with it once I come out because I am gay. But I'm not gay! But my mind tells me I am. Dammit, why won't my mind shut up? I do all this checking by looking at gay porn, and I still don't know what I am. But I just want to look at hot women instead. I have never been attracted to guys, but I know I am a gay guy. This anxiety is killing me. I can't even hear the word gay without becoming anxious.


I know that I am gay, and I have only ever gotten hard with guys. I am in the closet because I am afraid people will reject me, yet I have always wanted with everything in me to fall in love with another man who loves me back. That would be so beautiful. I was taught that gay stuff was disgusting, but when I think of being held by a man I get butterflies in my stomach. When I see a guy I like, it just feels right. The only anxiety I feel is over what others think of gays and how I think I'll be treated by straight people in power if they find out about me. I don't feel any anxiety when I think about how lucky gay guys who are out of the closet must be, and I wish I could be like them.

The second rant is what I would have said many years ago. The first rant is what I hear on the board. When I saw rants like the first one last November, I knew that I was not dealing with gay folks at all.

I'm Gay and You're Not:
Understanding Homosexuality Fears
OCD Takes Many Forms


am i gay 3 treatment

But Why Fear Being Gay?

Like any monster, mythical or otherwise, OCD strikes when a person is vulnerable, and it only stands to reason that an OCD sufferer who stresses over the opposite sex for whatever reason (a break up, an abusive partner, no dates, too many poor dates, and so on) might get hit with HOCD. Still, I know OCD folks with poor self-image and terrible track records on dating who have gotten HOCD, and others in the same situation who have not. The random element is also a factor here.


Now that we are clear about what HOCD does, we need to talk about how it works once it hits. I am neither a health care professional nor a person with any skill in science; for this reason, my explanation is going to be in simple laymen terms. Imagine a parent whose child has not returned home at the appointed hour. The parent then hears about a fatal accident nearby, and he or she goes into panic mode full of what-ifs and dread. Worry for that child takes over all rational thought, and reason does little to quell the parent's anxiety. Suddenly, the child walks through the door unharmed or calls to apologize for being late. The parent may or may not start yelling or simply hug the child in relief, but his or her fears are immediately put to rest.

Not so the OCD sufferer. We are in that very state of panic 24/7, and it continues even after we have proof that our fear is unwarranted. Catastrophic thoughts gets stuck in our malfunctioning brains, and illogical thinking makes us find ways to keep 'proving' the worst and disputing evidence to the contrary. OCD sufferers who fear contamination from walls not cleaned a 'special' way, for example, act illogically--but to them the fear feels real. I know that I was being ludicrous when I spent the better part of my waking hours expecting to die in agony, along with all my loved ones, because of an imagined natural disaster that was on its way. It felt so real at the time; now I cannot imagine what I was thinking.

HOCD works the same way: Heterosexual sufferers feel that the gay thoughts are real even though, in their hearts, they know that they are straight. Since HOCD depends on terror and illogic, no amount of reassurance works for long. The sufferer has to let go of the thoughts with a "Yeah, whatever" attitude and, above all, not react to them emotionally. When OCD sufferers freak out, they strengthen the hold OCD has on them. Behavior therapy (whether initiated by professional behavior therapists or the sufferers themselves) is the way out of the OCD trap. Medication, which need not always be permanent, can be a godsend since it speeds up results and helps sufferers control their symptoms.



I am Mark. I am gay man with obsessive compulsive disorder.

I turned 40 a week ago, and I have been out of the closet for almost two decades. In that time, I have helped other truly gay people come out of the closet. If I thought for a minute that even one of the straight HOCD sufferers on the board was gay, I would do the same for him or her. Yet, while I have done my best to help many on the board, I have helped no one come out of the closet.

The Mental Agony

As of this writing I have been bombarded by threads, private messages, e-mail, and instant messages by straight folks terrified that they are gay (and a very small number of gay and bisexual folks terrified that they, too, are not their real sexual orientation). My initial assessment of HOCD stands firm: Whatever HOCD tells the sufferer is a lie. I have had the wonderful experience of talking to people who had initially talked to me in HOCD mode but have since gone on medication and undergone behavior therapy; they now tell me that they are clearly heterosexual and don't know what they were thinking before. Yeah, well, I could have told them that. In fact, I did.

The only part of my initial assessment that has changed is my realization that HOCD is far more common in the OCD population than most people think. I don't think most OCD sufferers get it; I know I have never had it (although I could have gotten it and shudder at the thought). Nevertheless, it is sufficiently widespread to warrant more specialists in the field, more media exposure, and more understanding among therapists relatives, friends, and, especially, gay people who give the wrong advice. Before November 2004, I would have given the wrong advice, too.

So why do some OCD sufferers get HOCD when others do not? Who knows? Why did I have terrors about earthquakes and research them for close to two years when I never had, say, Harm OCD? Again, who knows? To a large degree, I believe, the mental daggers our OCD sends us are random. To a small degree, I also believe, they have something to do with what we fear most. In Harry Potter language, OCD has the same power as a Dementor: It fills us with our most unhappy thoughts and saps all happiness out of us. It is what a Boggart becomes, a manifestation of our worst fears. Of course, Harry learned to defeat Dementors and Boggarts.

Article Title:
I'm Gay and You're Not:
Understanding Homosexuality Fears
Am I Gay? Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Takes Many Forms
Website: http://www.brainphysics.com/yourenotgay.php
Accessed: April 06, 2009


homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder

The Rules

Hello there! My name is Mark, and I am a gay male with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). I am writing for the benefit of heterosexual folks who hope to use this article to understand their fears about being gay (also known as gay OCD or HOCD). No worries, my friend: If you are trying to understand yourself or someone close to you who has HOCD, you are reading the right article.

Rule one: If you say you are heterosexual, then you are. Period.

Rule two: There are no other rules.

Thank you for taking the time to read and obey the rules. I am a teacher in my real life, and I always spell out the rules early on.

Now that we are coming at this from the same mindset, please bear with me as I walk you through HOCD.

What is Homosexual OCD?

In November 2004, real-life stress was playing havoc with my emotions and OCD. I had been off medication and out of therapy for years, and I needed a place where I could talk about personal issues. Searching under OCD and gay, I discovered the old BrainPhysics discussion board and decided to post. I thought I was joining a board full of gay people with OCD. Only ten minutes after I had started reading the most recent posts, however, I realized that something was wrong: The folks with gay fears were clearly not gay. It took another five minutes for me to figure out what HOCD was and why so many people had gay obsessions. "Well, duh!" I thought. "This is an OCD board. Of course they have false obsessions."

Before my own OCD was treated, I had suffered for years with obsessions about natural disasters, religion, my health, and being rejected. What I saw in the HOCD obsessions mirrored the anxiety, checking, illogical thinking, and broken record quality of everything I had experienced. HOCD felt real to its sufferers just as my own obsessions had felt real to me. Again, duh! OCD always feels real. If it did not, it would not be OCD. It plays with your mind, making you believe lies and doubt truth.

I would later learn that truly gay people may also get HOCD, but that they falsely fear that they are heterosexual. Bisexuals with HOCD have the false fear that they are attracted to only one sex, usually the one they are not currently involved with. These facts alone should help straight HOCD folks to see that they are indeed straight. HOCD is an illness, and who but a gay HOCD sufferer would fear being straight, the thing society prizes? Just as HOCD obsessing over being straight = gay in reality, HOCD obsessing over being gay = straight in reality. Straight folks with HOCD know deep down that they are not gay. But I am getting ahead of myself.
Obsessive thoughts of being homosexual that cause fear in person who is straight.

I turned 40 a week ago, and I have been out of the closet for almost two decades. In that time, I have helped other truly gay people come out of the closet. If I thought for a minute that even one of the straight HOCD sufferers on the board was gay, I would do the same for him or her. Yet, while I have done my best to help many on the board, I have helped no one come out of the closet.


food that increases sexual desire in women by kim sharma

Kim Sharma (TOI photo)

Actress Kim Sharma tells about food and lot more that can arouse a woman for sex?



Actress Kim Sharma has some ideas to share with people about the food that increase sexual desire in woman. URVASHI ASHAR has the write up done with comments from
Tanushree Poddar,
author of You Are What you Eat
Click here to read Dr. Ashok Koparday's: Medical Information on


Actress Kim Sharma's
  • kesar-badam ka doodh = Milk with saffron and almond,
  • Oyster meat,
  • cocoa,
  • wine,
  • honey,
  • chocolate,
  • vanilla,
  • truffles,
  • raspberries and
  • strawberries
  • scent of the food
  • there’s a lot that you can do for yourself and your partner
  • sexy dress,
  • a great perfume,
  • romantic music,
  • scented candles,
  • beautiful flowers,
  • wine,
  • strawberries covered with chocolate,
  • oyster soup,
  • tossed salad,
  • garlic chicken parmesan,
  • dessert wine followed by
  • beautifully presented dessert,
  • lick those luscious fingers.
    Tanushree Poddar, author of You Are What you Eat

  • China the bird’s nest soup,>
  • Arabs consider the camel’s hump
  • What does the leading Sexologist Dr. Ashok Koparday
    say about BEST aphrodisiac?

The article below is posted verbatim from

Sex on a platter
13 Mar 2009, 0800 hrs IST, URVASHI ASHAR , TNN

Rewind. Way back in the age of Greek Gods and Goddesses, the ‘Venus’ of the Romans or the Goddess of Love and Sensuality was

That’s how foods that enhance sexual pleasure got their name — Aphrodisiacs. According to mythology, the Goddess of Love herself considered the amorous sparrows sacred, which is why sparrows were added to brews... However for the sexual desire to take flight, sparrows seem passé. The pills are in. But not many know that some herbs, veggies, fruits, nuts and grains can do the job for you, too.

Actress Kim Sharma, tells us, “The concept of aphrodisiacs isn’t new. It has been existent since time immemorial. And let’s not talk about western fads that have been ‘adopted’ by us. On the contrary, aphrodisiac foods have always been a part of Indian tradition and customs, and the recipes are being passed on gradually to the next generation. It’s another story that we aren’t aware about the ‘aphrodisiacal qualities’ about these things.”
The actress further explains, “What do you think your grandmother or your mother-in-law is doing when she walks into your room with kesar-badam ka doodh? Well, she is doing more than just being nice to you. Milk with saffron and almond is aphrodisiacal and meant to up the libido. It’s a custom that has been followed over the years... The ‘love potions’ or the need to consume such foods may have arisen from the importance given to procreation then. To father a child was the mission of man; to take the race forward. It was a religious issue then and the potency of both the male and the female was of utmost importance.”

Some of the most common foods with aphrodisiacal characteristics are chocolate, ginger, ginseng, saffron, cardamom, garlic, pineapple, pomegranate, pine seeds, mustard, basil, dates, cherries, figs... “Oyster meat is supposed to be very rich in aphrodisiacal elements,” adds Kim, “And then there’s of course cocoa. You know, in some parts of the world, like Mexico, earlier prostitutes were paid in cocoa beans. Interesting na?”


According to Tanushree Poddar,

author of You Are What you Eat,
aphrodisiac foods are found all over the world, and every culture has their respective beliefs in the union of the male and female. While in China the bird’s nest soup is recommended to cure impotency, Arabs consider the camel’s hump to be the panacea of sexual inadequacy.


Most foods reminiscent of the male or female sex organ are automatically considered to be those that boost the sexual drive — bananas, carrots, sea urchins, seeds, nuts, asparagus... “But augmenting sexual desire is not only about boring healthy things, it can be made interesting with wine, honey, chocolate, vanilla, truffles, raspberries and strawberries,” suggests Kim,

“Sometimes it’s the scent of the food that does the trick for you. And also more often than not there’s a lot that you can do for yourself and your partner ensuring a perfect end to a perfect date.”

Sensuous Sharma proposes, “A sexy dress, a great perfume, romantic music, scented candles, beautiful flowers, wine, strawberries covered with chocolate, oyster soup, tossed salad, garlic chicken parmesan, dessert wine followed by beautifully presented dessert. And yes, drop the fork and knife, and lick those luscious fingers... it’s ahem!”


Article Title Sex on a platter-Reviews-Food-Lifestyle-The Times of India


Date: 13 Mar 2009,

Time: 0800 hrs IST,


Accessed on March 11, 2009



Click here to read Dr. Ashok Koparday's: Medical Information on



Can Sildenafil prevent heart attacks?

Uses of Viagra are two
1. Maintenance of Erection
2. Pulmonary Hypertension
The third use may be taking Sildenafil regularly to prevent hormonal damage to heart.
Can taking Sildenafil regularly be treatment for Heart Failure, Hypertrophy, Hypertension?

Dr. David Kass' Research Team will be starting clinical trial to see if Sildenafil can be effective in patients with heart failure.

Research study suggests: Viagra© taken regularly not only protects heart (studies done in mice) from stress due to hormones and hypertension, but improves heart function.

In the words of Lead Researcher, Dr. David Kass, Professor of Medicine at John Hopkins:
"If you gave a drug like Viagra not just acutely, but chronically, you might be able to improve heart function and reduce the chronic stress response in patients with hypertrophy."

Viagra alters heart function when it is stimulated by hormonal stress


Thursday, July 24, 2008

Viagra May Treat Heart Failure

The report appears in the Oct. 24 online edition of Circulation.

"Unlike what was previously thought, drugs like Viagra can in fact alter heart function," said lead researcher Dr. David Kass, a professor of medicine at Johns Hopkins. "It alters it particularly when the heart is stimulated by hormones."

1. Dr. David Kass, a professor of medicine at Johns Hopkins. Lead researcher

2. Rakesh C. Kukreja, a professor of medicine (opines; not a research team member)

Virginia Commonwealth University Medical Center.
Can be useful in the treatment of hypertension, hypertrophy, heart failure

By Steven Reinberg
HealthDay Reporter

MONDAY, Oct. 24 (HealthDay News) -- Viagra ©, famous for improving men's sexual function, also appears to reduce the effects of hormonal stress on the heart by 50 percent, claims a report by researchers at Johns Hopkins University.

Viagra © (sildenafil) works by helping genital blood vessels expand to maintain an erection, but more recently, it has also been used as a treatment for pulmonary hypertension. However, the drug has been thought to have no direct effect on the heart.

"Unlike what was previously thought, drugs like Viagra can in fact alter heart function," said lead researcher Dr. David Kass, a professor of medicine at Johns Hopkins. "It alters it particularly when the heart is stimulated by hormones."

The report appears in the Oct. 24 online edition of Circulation.

Earlier research by Kass's team found that Viagra blocked the short-term effects of hormonal stress in the hearts of mice. They also found that, in mice, Viagra prevented and reversed the long-term cardiac effects of chronic high blood pressure.

In addition, Kass' group found that, in mice, Viagra reversed the negative effects on heart muscle weakened by heart failure and enlargement, a condition called hypertrophy.

"Viagra © puts a brake on the effect of dobutamine,"

David Kass noted that his group is starting a clinical trial to see if Viagra can be effective in patients with heart failure.

Rakesh C. Kukreja opines:
"This research may lead to the development of a new use of the drug in the treatment of diseases such as hypertension, hypertrophy and heart failure, where beta-adrenergic activity is enhanced following neurohormonal stimulation," said Rakesh C. Kukreja, a professor of medicine, physiology, biochemistry and emergency medicine and the Eric Lipman chair of cardiology at Virginia Commonwealth University Medical Center.

"These studies are complementary to the expanding new role of Viagra © and other relatively safe PDE-5A inhibitors as powerful cardioprotectants," he added.

David Kass, M.D., professor, medicine, Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, Baltimore;
Rakesh C. Kukreja, Ph.D, professor, medicine, physiology, biochemistry and emergency medicine,
Eric Lipman chair of cardiology, Virginia Commonwealth University Medical Center, Richmond;
Hrayr S. Karagueuzian, Ph.D., senior research scientist, Division of Cardiology, Cedars-Siani Medical Center, Los Angeles;

Oct. 24, 2005, Circulation online
Copyright © 2005 ScoutNews LLC. All rights reserved.



The clearest explanation for the failure of any marriage[4]
oscar wilde beats all oscars in one liners jokes

is that two people are incompatible; that is, one is male and the other female. Anna Quindlen




"No man is rich enough to buy back his past."

"Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account."

"Men become old, but they never become good."
-- “Lady Windermere's Fan”

"I delight in men over seventy, they always offer one the devotion of a lifetime. "
-- “A Woman of No Importance”

"How many men there are in modern life who would like to see their past burning to white ashes before them!"
-- “An Ideal Husband”

"A man who moralizes is usually a hypocrite, and a woman who moralizes is invariably plain."
-- “Lady Windermere's Fan”

"Nowadays all the married men live like bachelors and all the bachelors live like married men."
-- “The Picture of Dorian Gray”

"I don't like compliments, and I don't see why a man should think he is pleasing a woman enormously when he says to her a whole heap of things that he doesn't mean."
-- “Lady Windermere's Fan”


"One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that, would tell one anything."
-- “A Woman of No Importance”

"Crying is the refuge of plain women but the ruin of pretty ones."
-- “Lady Windermere's Fan”

"Men know life too early. Women know life too late. That is the difference between men and women."
-- “A Woman of No Importance”

"Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood."
-- “The Sphinx Without a Secret”

"It takes a thoroughly good woman to do a thoroughly stupid thing."
-- “Lady Windermere's Fan”

"I don't know that women are always rewarded for being charming. I think they are usually punished for it!"
-- “An Ideal Husband”

"I don't think there is a woman in the world who would not be a little flattered if one made love to her. It is that which makes women so irresistibly adorable."
-- “A Woman of No Importance”

"My dear young lady, there was a great deal of truth, I dare say, in what you said, and you looked very pretty while you said it, which is much more important."
-- “A Woman of No Importance”

"Women give to men the very gold of their lives. But they invariably want it back in such very small change."
-- “The Picture of Dorian Gray”

"I am sick of women who love one. Women who hate one are much more interesting."
-- “The Picture of Dorian Gray”

"I prefer women with a past. They're always so damned amusing to talk to."
-- “Lady Windermere's Fan”

Men Women


  1. Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.
  2. All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.
  3. Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.
  4. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.
  5. If we men married the woman we deserve, we should have a very tedious time of it.
  6. In married life three is company and two is none.
  7. A man who desires to get married should know either everything or nothing.
  8. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
  9. Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
  10. As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
  11. A woman will flirt with anyone in the world, so long as other women are looking on.
  12. She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman.
  13. A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.



"People who count their chickens before they are hatched, act very wisely, because chickens run about so absurdly that it is impossible to count them accurately."
-- Letter from Paris, dated May 1900

"The more one analyses people, the more all reasons for analysis disappear. Sooner of later one comes to that dreadful universal thing called human nature."
-- “The Decay of Lying”

"The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything, except what is worth knowing."
-- “The Soul of Man Under Socialism”

"Most men and women are forced to perform parts for which they have no qualification."
-- “Lord Arthur Savile's Crime”

"It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about, nowadays, saying things against one behind one's back that are absolutely and entirely true."
-- “The Picture of Dorian Gray”

Born:16th October 1854, Died: on 30th November 30, 1900.
Full Name: Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie
Parents: His mother Jane was a poet, while his father, Sir William Wilde, was prominent Irish surgeon. Both parents were prolific authors so it was no surprise that he inherited such literary talent.


"Life is much too important a thing ever to talk seriously about it."
-- “Vera, of The Nihilists”

"The Book of Life begins with a man and woman in a garden. It ends with Revelations."
-- “A Woman of No Importance”

"Life is never fair...And perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not."
-- “An Ideal Husband”

"You must not find symbols in everything you see. It makes life impossible."
-- “Salome”

"We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell."
-- “The Duchess of Padua”

"The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast."
-- “Lord Arthur Savile's Crime”



"Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman - or the want of it in the man."
-- “A Woman of No Importance”

"One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry."
-- “A Woman of No Importance”

"To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance."
-- “An Ideal Husband”

"A kiss may ruin a human life."
-- “A Woman of No Importance”

"A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her."
-- “The Picture of Dorian Gray”

"Young men want to be faithful and are not; old men want to be faithless and cannot."
-- “The Picture of Dorian Gray”

"Faithfulness is to the emotional life what consistency is to the life of the intellect - simply a confession of failures."
-- “The Picture of Dorian Gray”



[1]The Official Website
The Official Web Site of Oscar Wilde

[3]Timeless Relationship Wisdom
posted by Dorion Sagan

[4]Oscars lining up - Flickr
All rights reserved Anyone can see this photo
* Taken with a Sony DSC-N1.
More properties
* Taken on February 8, 2006
jclushlife's photostream

[5]Oscar statue Image credit copyright
WatchinDworldGoBy' s photostream
All rights reserved Anyone can see this photo
* Taken on September 2, 2008



Steve Jobs himself tells 3 inspiring stories (Stanford university 2005) (TIME 14.33 Miss your date, cancel your shooting, but do not miss Steve Jobs.)

To read the transcript click here

We appreciate your comments.


L-arginine and ED

Erectile dysfunction [1] and

Treatment with L-arginine

Is L-arginine
1. Effective [3]in
Treatment of Erectile Dysfunctions ?

2. Mechanism of Action of L-arginine

Is L-arginine Effective

Early studies have shown that arginine supplements may help treat erectile dysfunction (ED) in men with low nitrate levels in their blood or urine. A combination of L-arginine, glutamate, and yohimbine hydrochloride has been used to treat ED - states Medline Plus. However, because a combination product was used, and yohimbine hydrochloride is an FDA-approved therapy for this condition, the effects of arginine alone are unknown. More research is needed with arginine alone.

Mechanism of Action

L-arginine is Precursor to nitric oxide (NO), [2] a key component of endothelial-derived relaxing factor, an endogenous messenger molecule involved in a variety of endothelium-dependent physiological effects in the cardiovascular system
L-arginine is a protein amino acid present in the proteins of all life forms. It is classified as a semi-essential or conditionally essential amino acid. This means that under normal circumstances the body can synthesize sufficient L-arginine to meet physiological demands.

What are the natural dietary sources of L-arginine?

How safe is L-arginine?


This information is derived from evidence based professional level monograph edited and peer-reviewed by contributors to the Natural Standard Research Collaboration (www.naturalstandard.com):
Arginine (L-arginine)
February 01, 2008.
[2]L arginine club natural
no date title Arginine dosage and other topics
L Arginine Club Natural 1 Tablet750 mg
accessed February 13, 2009

[3]Universal's Enlarge
L-Arginine 500mg ™
contact ccustomer care
022 66478484


Specially Forwarded as Gift from
a dear Friend in University of Arizona

Steve Jobs Tells 3 Inspiring Stories

Thank you. I'm honored to be with you today for your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. Truth be told, I never graduated from college and this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation.

Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first six months but then stayed around as a drop-in for another eighteen months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out? It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife, except that when I popped out, they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking, "We've got an unexpected baby boy. Do you want him?" They said, "Of course." My biological mother found out later that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would go to college.

This was the start in my life. And seventeen years later, I did go to college, but I naïvely chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and no idea of how college was going to help me figure it out, and here I was, spending all the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back, it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out, I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me and begin dropping in on the ones that looked far more interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms. I returned Coke bottles for the five-cent deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the seven miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example.
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer was beautifully hand-calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and sans-serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me, and we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts, and since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them.

If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on that calligraphy class and personals computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do.

Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college, but it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards, so you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something--your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever--because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well-worn path, and that will make all the difference.

My second story is about love and loss. I was lucky. I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents' garage when I was twenty. We worked hard and in ten years, Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4,000 employees. We'd just released our finest creation, the Macintosh, a year earlier, and I'd just turned thirty, and then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew, we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so, things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge, and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our board of directors sided with him, and so at thirty, I was out, and very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating. I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down, that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure and I even thought about running away from the Valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me. I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I'd been rejected but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods in my life. During the next five years I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the world's first computer-animated feature film, "Toy Story," and is now the most successful animation studio in the world.

In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT and I returned to Apple and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance, and Lorene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful-tasting medicine but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life's going to hit you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love, and that is as true for work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work, and the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking, and don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it, and like any great relationship it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking. Don't settle.

My third story is about death. When I was 17 I read a quote that went something like "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "no" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important thing I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life, because almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctors' code for "prepare to die." It means to try and tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next ten years to tell them, in just a few months. It means to make sure that everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope, the doctor started crying, because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and, thankfully, I am fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept. No one wants to die, even people who want to go to Heaven don't want to die to get there, and yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It's life's change agent; it clears out the old to make way for the new. right now, the new is you. But someday, not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it's quite true. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalogue, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stuart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late Sixties, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and Polaroid cameras. it was sort of like Google in paperback form thirty-five years before Google came along. I was idealistic, overflowing with neat tools and great notions. Stuart and his team put out several issues of the The Whole Earth Catalogue, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-Seventies and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath were the words, "Stay hungry, stay foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. "Stay hungry, stay foolish." And I have always wished that for myself, and now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay hungry, stay foolish.

Thank you all, very much.

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