Marrying an Older Bipolar Man Here is advice: My advice to ANYONE marrying someone who has been married twice - look hard at what caused the marriages to fail before. In almost all cases it was a two way street, and unless there has been a lot of change and/or counseling in the life of the potential spouse, there isn't any reason to think the outcome will be different this time.Please think this out. I don't think it's a good idea. The fact he has been married twice before means he is not willing to take a good hard look at himself and get help for his problem. It is so true that more women seek psychiatric help than men do. Most men feel they must, at all costs, be a man and figure their problems out themselves (you know ... the old stiff upper lip thing.) Marriage is tough enough, so I'd wait a bit before you consider marriage. If you truly love him, and he's not getting help for his problem just tell him like it is ... get help, then we will think about marriage.Unfortunately, many people seem to believe that they can "make it better". All this person needs is the right loving, caring individual to help them and all of the problems will go away. If the guy is bipolar there is good reason to be concerned. My advice: Run.Marriage is a wonderful union when it's with the right person. I would advise you to be mindful of the redflags you raised just with your question alone. The first thing being that you already labeled him. Bipolar man. This is an illness that can bring with it times of sweet sweet highs, and deep dark lows. Being married to someone who is bipolar can be difficult simply because you can't fix the hurts this illness can cause. You can't be the one to make someone want treatment if they aren't willing to accept they are ill. Sometimes it's hurtful to be alongside someone who is ill and you are just going to have to ride out the highs and lows. There are medication changes, side effects, the symptoms can be unbearable for the one who is bipolar. So you can imagine how it can affect the one who is loving and living the illness without actually having been diagnosed with it. Being in love, married to, or live with someone who is bipolar is the closest you can come to actually having it, without having it. But to label him already, you might need to educate yourself about what you are willing to walk down the isle with. So that when things come up you have some idea how to deal with what is bipolar, and what is just everyday life. Sometimes the line is sooooo very thin, it's hard to tell. I would also look at the flags that are raised about why he has been married 2 times. And when he talks about his ex wives what does he say? Does he accept any responsibility when it comes to saying why those marriages failed? If he doesn't I don't know if I would be so quick to walk down the isle with him. My personal experience has been with someone who was married 3 times and he always talked about his ex wives like they were total losers, they did so bad to him. I thought OH MY GOD, how could a woman not love and want to take care of this man. Well by the time I ran for my life. I KNEW WHY! He was abusive, irresponsible, thought the world owed him, and blamed his life on everyone else. He was 16 years older then I am, and when it comes to someone who is older, age DOES matter. It might not now, but it will later. Just pay attention to what he says about his ex wives. Those things matter. If he doesn't take responsibility for the failure, that says A LOT about him and his integrity. The bipolar will come into play if he is not under doctor's care, taking care of himself, or on meds. Those things matter too. Because with the right medication the symptoms should be in complete remission. It's totally possible to live a happy productive life with bipolar. Part of it starts with taking responsibility for your life, knowing what's your illness, and not blaming EVERYTHING on bipolar, A LOT of people do that too. They OVER RELATE with it. That is VERY common. Knowing what you can and cannot control is key. I know I cannot control the ups and downs, but with meds I can be stable and productive and learn with life skills how to maintain relationships and not use bipolar as a crutch. I would do some soul searching, listen to what he says about his failed marriages it will give you an idea of what kind of husband he is. People are capable of change. Just be mindful that humans often times jump from the frying pan to the fire for comfort. Don't be the fire for the comfort. Be the right person, not looking for the "right" reason. Because when it's RIGHT, you won't need a reason. And you won't have to ask what if, why, but, should I? Bipolar is a serious mental illness. Do some research, talk to mental health professionals/psychiatrists, and perhaps look for a group for family members of those who are bipolar. Learn as much as you can in order to be fully informed before you decide to go forward. New Answer: I am a much older man who has been married twice: each marriage 18 years. I am not bipolar. I think that being married twice does send up a red flag, however the circumstances of both marriages are vital. Be honest with your boyfriend and tell him to his face that you want him to be honest to you and to give you all the details of both marriages, including his failures. After he answers your questions, go away for a while, whatever it takes, and think over his answers. In my case, I was mostly responsible for my first divorce. I was a selfish, Godless jerk who treated her like crap until I became born again in our second year of marriage. But the damage I had already caused in the relationship was too much for her. After our children had become older she requested a divorce. My second marriage was a re-bounder where I latched on to a pretty face and seemingly Christian girl. After several years I realized that I had married a narcissist one who can love only themselves...she was merely acting. She eventually had several affairs, and I finally gave her an ultimatum to stop her affairs or I would divorce her. Well, here I am again, after another 18 years of effort. My fault? Of course, I should have really waited longer before I married again. Am I unfit to marry again? No. I have learned much about marriage and my own shortcomings. Most of all, I have learned that a relationship must be God-based before it can be marriage based. If you can sit down with your boyfriend and pray for each other, openly, honestly, it is a good sign. Just make sure he isn't pretending to be that holy guy. But, if he is really medically bipolar, then he needs to get help before he marries anyone. New Answer: I'd be very wary of someone with bipolar disorder who didn't take the mood stabilisers, and possibly antipsychotics, as per the prescriber's instructions. If you live with someone for some considerable time first, you can make an accurate assessment of this. View http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/c.html and post questions in the bipolar chat sites, and forums, and in the mental health section of Yahoo!Answers (when it is up and running!). --May I suggest you go to www.letstalkbipolar.com, this is a wonderful websit with lots of resources surrounding bipolar. It's a great sit for getting information, support, answers and more. A SECOND OPINION (different user): I firmly believe that the first answerer is unfairly biased against people who are bipolar. A lot of the advise above is, frankly, horrible. Do not EVER use Yahoo! Answers to ask serious questions. Yes, you should do some research about the different bipolar disorders (yes, there is more than one type), but you should use WebMD, they know what they are talking about. The fact that he has been married twice before does not necessarily mean he is a bad guy. Find out WHY the relationships ended. Is it fine to question a relationship with this man because he is bipolar and he has been married twice before? Absolutely, but do not automatically rule him out. Do not automatically "run" like the above person answered. For all you know, he could have been in relationships with horrible people. Or he could have been doing drugs and beating the heck out of them, you don't know. Find out if it was his fault, or if it was their fault. Bipolar disorder can vary in severity. He could be Bipolar I. That is fairly severe and normally requires anti-psychotic medication. Or he could Cyclothemic. which is hardly even noticeable in most people. Cyclothemia is defined as not affecting a person's everyday life; and, in some people, is hardly even noticeable. Find out if he needs help/ is getting help. If he is supposed to take medicine, make him take it. Spell that out as a condition of your marriage. Your marriage could easily help him in many ways, but you have to figure out why his earlier marriages ended. People who are bipolar also have a strong tendency to abuse drugs. If he is abusing drugs that is a strong reason to question the idea of marriage. Many people who are bipolar do quite well, in fact, some of the best English-language writers ever were bipolar. See Charles Dickens and Mary Shelley. But the success of someone who is bipolar is often very dependent on whether they do drugs. Drug abuse can be the difference between being in a history book or being Charlie Sheen for a bipolar person. I know this stuff sounds horrible, but if he is getting treatment, not doing drugs and the past divorces were not his fault (or at least not bipolar related) , then this could work for you two. He should be willing to talk to you about this stuff. Make a plan, get him to take his medicine (if he has been given any by a psychiatrist), and support him. Remember though, he has to take care of himself some as well, you can't do everything for him. Here is a good site for more information: http://www.ehow.com/how_4909886_marry-man-bipolar-disorder.html I can tell you that this site is more aimed at people who are trying to marry someone with Bipolar 1 disorder. If he has Bipolar 2 or Cyclothemic disorders you may not have to deal with everything that the site talks about. This should be obvious, but if he is violent do not stay in the relationship.
*.ANOTHER ANSWER-Knowing a guy with bipolar is tricky. When in up phase he is a VERY different man from when he is down. Knowing these words isn't knowing reality at all. When depressed he can't take care of himself and now that he has already told you he can't be blamed. If my loved one was bent upon marrying a bipolar I would say live with the guy for an year and then decide.
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What should a woman consider before marrying an older man with bipolar disorder who has been married twice?
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