joke-human-dogs-donkeys-life

FROM SPECIAL CONTRIBUTOR

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But the human said:
'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.

Dr. Ashok Koparday MBBS FCSEPI
Consultant PsychoSexual Medicine
Medical Director


Samadhan India
Center for Therapy, Education, Research in
Sex, Marriage, Relationships

Ex. Teaching Faculty
Seth G. S. Medical College and K. E. M. Hospital and
Grant Medical College and Sir J. J. Group of Hospitals
University of Mumbai, India
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Originally Submitted April 2, 2009
Edited and Updated April 1, 2010

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jokes-sarcasm

Steven Wright 01
You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading . . . And all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.

Last night, I walked up to this beautiful woman in a bar and asked herThen she asked, "How do you feel?" and I said, "Well, you know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time."

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

Lots of comedians have people they try to mimic. I mimic my shadow.


He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said, "Yes, but not right now."

I put tape on the mirrors/glass in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.


Steven Wright 02
I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.



I like to reminisce with people I don't know.


I'm so hyper . . . [Said with a very dull voice.]



Four years ago . . . No, it was yesterday. Today I . . . No, that wasn't me. Sometimes I . . . No, I don't.

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."

Steven Wright 03
Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...

Sorry, my mind was wandering. One time my mind went all the way to Venus on mail order and I couldn't pay for it.

I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, "Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile." I spent last summer folding it. I also have a full-size map of the world. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, "E6".

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world . . . Perhaps you've seen it.

Steven Wright 03
Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...

Sorry, my mind was wandering. One time my mind went all the way to Venus on mail order and I couldn't pay for it.


Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world . . . Perhaps you've seen it.


Steven Wright 04
It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.


I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking", but I don't have that much time.

SOURCE
http://www.ahajokes.com/one01.html

husband-drunk-joke-picture

"Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change".

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Dr. Ashok Koparday
MBBS, FC SEPI
Medical Director
Samadhan India
Center for Therapy, Education,
Research in
Sex, Marriage, Relationships
Ex. Teaching Faculty
Seth G. S. Medical College and K. E. M. Hospital and
Grant Medical College and Sir J. J. Group of Hospitals
University of Mumbai, India
Member: Indian Medical Association
Member: Family Planning Association of India
Accredited: Registration Maharashtra Medical Council
Fellow: Council of Sex Education and Parenthood [International]
URL
http://doctortells.blogspot.com _ _ _ _ _sex matters
http://mydoctortells.com _ _ _ _ _we care
Address:
A-1, Namdeep, Barrister Nath Pai Nagar, Opposite Café Coffee Day, Ghatkopar
(East),
Mumbai 400077 Maharashtra, India
Prior Appointment is Essential
Call: 8898004097 +91 9867788877 022 25060061
Email: ask@mydoctortells.com

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HONEY MOON TIPS

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Knowledge is wealth
_ _ _Dr. Ashok Koparday

---

Free stuff is good stuff
Good free stuff is great
don’t miss:
http://www.mydoctortells.com/
Because the BEST things
in life are
FREE
Value based sex education
Because life is precious.

---

http://mydoctortells.wordpress.com/
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i-have-sex-problem

THIS COULD BE YOU

Did your parents talk to you about sex?
Did your teachers teach sex the way history, geography is taught?
You know the world's history, but do not know the history of human growth from a child through puberty into a mature adult capable of procreation and receiving and givinig pleasure.
You know the world's geography, but do not know the names of the male and female external and internal genitals. Do you know about methods to avoid pregnancy? It is not nuclear physics. It is clear simple information that you ought to know.
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GIVE FULL DETAILS
This helps the Doctor to give you reply that is personalized and answers your specific problem.
Remeber:

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Anyone from anywhere, anytime can ask any query related to his/her personal sex, pregnancy, relationship problem.
Doctor himself attends to each query and you get reply on your email id straight in your inbox.

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loveless-marriage

Love ~ Romance is ecstatic joy that all of us crave. We believe love
is just around - around us here, there; love was in the past or is
coming soon.
We expect love earnestly as if it is birthright.
Literature -Novels, Media- cinema, TV serials portray enchanting tales
of love. Love can be addictive, irresistible.

WHY I DO NOT EXPERIENCE LOVE WITH MY SPOUSE?

This question baffles those who were in love & are out of love with
the same person or those who never experienced love in relationship
with their spouse.
QUICK REPLY:
She may be

• feeling resentment,
• 
  having major depression,
• 
  hurt,
• 
  in love with another man

IS THERE A WAY TO SPARK LOVE IN MARRIED RELATIONSHIP OR SHALL I GIVE
UP SAYING IT ISN'T IN MY DESTINY?

WHAT IS WRONG IF I SEEK& GET LOVE OUTSIDE MARRIAGE?

These questions have touched lives of most married couples some time
or the other.

Visit again for views in detail.
Till then make the best of what you have in your married relation.
READ 11 LOVE SUTRAS OF DR. KOPARDAY
Please let me know if you have any additional questions or issues.
Best regards,
Dr. Ashok Koparday MBBS FCSEPI
Consultant Psycho-Sexual Medicine
Medical Director
Samadhan India
Center for Therapy, Education, Research in
Sex, Marriage, Relationships
Ex. Teaching Faculty
Seth G. S. Medical College and K. E. M. Hospital and
Grant Medical College and Sir J. J. Group of Hospitals
University of Mumbai, India

Member: Indian Medical Association
Accreditation:Maharashtra Medical Council Registration
Member: Family Planning Association of India
Fellow: Council of Sex Education and Parenthood [International]
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First Published 22/07/2009
Updated and Edited 2

foreskin-before-sex

Q
does the skin of the penis have to be pulled back before sexual contact...

YOU ASKED

when a guy is erect does the skin of the penis have to be pulled back or can they pull it back before sexual contact...

REPLY

A guy can do sexual intercourse even if he does not or cannot pull back his foreskin.
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masturbation-does-not-cause-weakness

Q

Masturbation

I am 31 year old, i have been masturbating since 15 years

never-get-off-during-sex

Q

I can get my self off in a matter of minutes _ _ _?

You asked :

why is it that i can get my self off in a matter of minutes with no trouble, but can never get off during sex?

Keywords:
ANEJACULATION
DELAYED EJACULATION
EJACULATION
ORGASM
SEXUAL INTERCOURSE
MASTURBATION
GET MY SELF OFF
GET OFF DURING SEX

REPLY

When you are alone during masturbation you have no inhibitions. You are accustomed to it for years. No wonder you can get off within minutes.

When you are having sex with a partner you are with another person and you are more conscious.
If you are a guy :
Hence, the natural reflex can get delayed, but more often the guy comes too soon. In your case you don't get off during sex. More shamelessness, lack of inhibition, increase self esteem is the first thing you have to address to resolve your situation. Even if you do not do anything about it you will start getting off. Becoming HIGHLY NERVOUS and avoiding sex can aggravate your situation.

If you are a woman often you do not come or orgasm with a partner as easily and frequently as you do when alone. This does not mean there is any pathology in you or that you have a dysfunctional relationship.

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