HUMOROUS differences between Men and Women
When the differences between man and a woman are glaringly obvious, my dear man, how did you imagine that you can satisfy a woman by having longer, thicker, rock hard cock, keep the lovemaking prolonged for 15 to 20 minutes as in blue films, and by repeating sexual intercourse again successively for the second and the third time?
TO OPEN YOUR EYES
NICKNAMES
If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle.GUY
But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.
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EATING OUT
And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.GIRLS
When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.
BATHROOMS
MAN
A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
WOMAN
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
GROCERIES
WOMAN
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things.
MAN
A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.
SHOES
WOMAN
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.
MAN
A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.
CATS
WOMEN
Women love cats.
MEN
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
DRESSING UP
WOMAN
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.
MAN
A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.
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LAUNDRY
WOMEN
Women do laundry every couple of days.
MAN
A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style."
OFFSPRING
WOMAN
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
MAN
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
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Source:
With thanks to Aha! Jokes
MEN DO IT DIFFERENTLY
Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean if the meter reader is coming.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks.
You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
Your pals will never trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You know which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Gas (at either end) is cool.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
Courtesy LotsofJokes
Thanks to http://www.lotsofjokes.com/reasons_guy.asp
Dr. Ashok Koparday
MBBS, FC SEPI
Medical Director
Samadhan India
Center for Therapy, Education, Research in
Sex, Marriage, Relationships
Ex. Teaching Faculty
Seth G. S. Medical College and K. E. M. Hospital and
Grant Medical College and Sir J. J. Group of Hospitals
University of Mumbai, India
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