Chill pill. Cool. Take life easy.
An argument with my husband tends to make me want to clean something...
With his toothbrush.

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything,
the young know everything.

When one is at home . . . he dreams of adventure.When one is on an adventure . . . he dreams of home.

Surely, the finest teachers of creativity, persistence,
and unconditional love, are children.

My friend, single handedly, tries to save the economy
every time she goes shopping.

It's not the extreme right or left that will take us
to hell in a hand basket. It's the vast, indifferent middle.

During these colder months it's important to conserve energy.
I try and do my part by laying on the sofawatching TV all day.

Women are like toilets.
Either: Vacant, Engaged or full of crap.

My husband goes to a female dentist just for the novelty
of hearing a woman tell him to open his mouth.

I do not diet because along with loss of body weight, Scientists report, there is loss of brain cells. It's a case of think or slim!

The reason why children are so happy is now obvious to me:
they don't have any children of their own to worry about.

Politics is
the gentle art of getting votes from the poor
and campaign funds from the rich.

If all our religious, national holidays were observed India would work only for 5 months a year.

I explained the facts of life to my teenagers tonight.
My insulin keeps me alive; smoke n booze keeps them alive.
The wit above is not mine. I simply picked them. The source is
funny quips from
Dr. Ashok Koparday



Anonymous said...

Contributed by Naimisha, US

After 49 years of marriage,
I took a carefullook at my wife one day and said, 'honey, 49 years ago
we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed
and watched a 10-inch black and white TV,
but every night I got to sleep with a hot 18-year-old

Now I have a $400,000.00 home,
two nice cars, a nice big bed and big flat screen TV, but
I'm sleeping with a 67-year-old woman. It seems to me
that you're not holding up your side of things.'

My wife is a very reasonable woman.
She told me to go out and find a hot 18-year-old gal,
and she would make sure that I would once again be living
in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a
sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great?
They really know how to solve a mid-life crisis... PRICELESS!

Anonymous said...

Specially Contributed by Anita, US

2 minute management course

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is

finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and

runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob,

the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800

to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops

her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after

a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and

goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband

asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything

about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to

credit and risk with your shareholders in time,

you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her

gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had

an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid

his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing

gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember

Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh

is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily

and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed

to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek,

further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might

miss a great opportunity.

Anonymous said...

Contributed by Anita, US

Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr. in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;

Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now...

I never looked at it this way before:

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?

MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown

AND ..
When we have REAL trouble, it's a


Send this to all the women you know to brighten their day.
Send this to all the men just to annoy them.....

Remember You Don't Stop Laughing Because You Grow Old,
You Grow Old Because You Stop Laughing


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