The First Night

The first night after the wedding is supposed to be a very special night for the bride and the groom. The popular Hindi cinema in India shows a bedroom with a bed having four props on its four edges. Garlands and flowers held on the props lavishly decorate the bed. The bride coyly brings a glass of sweet milk flavored and enriched with dry fruits. The film hero who is reclining on the bed looks amorously at his shy wife and grips her hand. He pulls her close to him. The wife bashfully sits near him and as he tries to bring her closer to him the romantic atmosphere mounts. Then the censors step in.

Many a fresh husbands have similar bed enthusiastically garlanded by friends for their very first night. He believes that this being the night he has to do sexual intercourse. Not doing so would be abnormal and the bride would look down upon him. What a first impression? Also, he doesn't want to be ridiculed by his friends/relatives for failing on his first night. In some Arab countries relatives wait outside expecting to be shown bloodstained cloth, which is considered, proof of the girl's virginity. Bleeding during the first sexual act is considered natural by many people world over. (see Myths/Beliefs)
In the traditional Indian marriages the boy and the girl sleep late, way past midnight, yet have to wake up early in the morning. Not only the previous days but the entire wedding day as well is very tiring for the groom and the bride. They have to force smiles on their faces as they go through the motion of greeting individually friends and relatives who are lined in a queue waiting their turn to go on the podium where under the glaring lights of the cameraman they pose for the video shooting. By the end of the day, you bet, they are dead tired and would drop off to sleep like wooden logs. But at night in bed he labors under the pressure "I have to do sex on my first wedding night". Commonsense tells how inappropriate is the demand on oneself for sexual activity when the couple is drained out and fatigued. Think.

So the marriage and sexual health experts' advice that on the first night since the couple is most likely to be tired after the grueling wedding ceremony it is best to avoid sexual intercourse and instead hug each other and go to sleep in order to wake up refreshed for the next day. You have an entire lifetime for sex. Not heeding this sane simple advice if the hero goes ahead for sexual intercourse it is most likely going to result in sexual experience which is less than satisfactory in many ways; sometimes even leading to a sour, disappointing experience.

What will she think of me? Would she not be disappointed if I don't do sexual intercourse? Doesn't she crave for it? It's not in sync with manliness. It isn't macho. It is not the normal thing. Will I not be a laughing stock amidst friends and relatives? First Night comes only once in one's lifetime. It's special. Should you let go on such a unique occasion? Is it the right thing to do? These would be the typical doubts entertained by the ignorant.

First, understand that the bride would not resent you but would in fact thank you and appreciate if you choose to abstain from sexual intercourse on the first night. You could even speak to her to find out if it's acceptable to her if you call it a day and both take rest, keeping the sex thing for the next available opportunity so that it's pleasant and thoroughly enjoyable for both. Second thing is you are not obliged to tell outsiders what's happened or not happened inside the bedroom. It's your personal choice. It's your private matter. And even if they know, don't you worry, for your reasons are sound and sane.

Cool man. Cool.

On Fast Track
Dr. Ashok Koparday

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