medicalhumor2

Psychiatry
Orthopedics
Sick Leave Note actually submitted by parents to school.
Example:
"Please excuse Gloria. She has been sick and under the doctor."
Find:
What are Male Contraceptive Pills used for?.


Psychiatry Patient

Dr. J goes to the psychiatry ward of our hostpital for his medical rounds.
[Why do they call medical rounds?
Why do they call medical practice?
Find in the definitions below]
He sees Jill and asks her, "Jill, how much is three times three?" Jill responds "59."
He goes over to Tom and asks, "Tom, how much is three times three?" Tom responds, "Wednesday."
He finally goes over to James and asks, "James, how much is three times three?" "NINE" replies James.
"That's right ...now how did you come to that answer?" "It was easy...I just subtracted 59 from Wednesday!"


For cough
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
Pearl Williams

Orthopedic Surgeon
Q What is the difference between God and an orthopedic surgeon

A God dosn't think he is an orthopedic surgeon.

Double Blind Trial
When two orthopedic surgeons read an ECG [EKG]?

Double Blind (Placebo Controlled) Trial tells about effectivity and adverse effects of a chemical, before it is marketed as a medicine.

Common sense for Fracture
Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I broke my arm in two places!

Doctor: Stay away from those places!

Male Birth Control Pill
Did you hear about the latest birth control pill for men?

You take it the day after. It changes your blood type.

(Times of India has featured an article in October 2007, describing the statistics of increase in Paternity test DNA Test requested for in the Forensic Science Laborator at Kalina, Mumbai, India. - Note by Dr. Ashok Koparday)

Time Release Pills
After receiving his medication from the pharmacist, the customer asks, "are these time release pills?" The pharmacist replies, "Yes. They begin to work after your check clears."

Cordless
Did you hear about the baby born in the high tech delivery room?

It was cordless!

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Parents note about Sick Leave to School

(These are notes that school secretaries have actually received.
Some of these were in an article in the Detroit News back in the 1970s.)

"Please excuse John for being absent Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and 33."

"Mary could not go to school because she was bothered by very close veins."

"Ralph was absent yesterday because of a sour throat."

"Please excuse Joey Friday. He had loose vowels."

"Please excuse Joyce from jim today."

"Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. He fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip."

"Karl was hit yesterday playing football. He was hurt in the growing part."

"John was absent yesterday because he had a stomach."

"Please excuse Gloria. She has been sick and under the doctor."

"My son will have to get out of school as soon as I call the orthodontist, one of his wrie's is brusted and sticking in his Gum's."

"Please excuse Sarah from being absent yesterday. She was sick and I had her shot."

"My son is under the doctors care and should not take P.E. Please execute him."

"My daughter Jenni was absent this morning because she missed her bust."

"Please excuse Johnny for being. It was his father's fault."
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Doctor's visit
Late one night the doctor's wife was home alone, after her husband had been called to the hospital for an emergency. The doorbell rings, and she answers.

"Is the doctor at home?" asks the man at the door, in a very hoarse and quiet voice due to his aching throat.

"No, c'mon in!" whispers the doctor's wife in return.

Source:
http://members.aol.com/parentspage/jokes.html
1998 Last Updated
Lewis Wasserman / lwasserman@alliancemedical.org
Copyright ©1995, All rights reserved.
rest of it.