MY SEX DOCTOR: no-insertion-of-penis-during-sex

Unconsummated Sex/Marriage - it is not uncommon.

What is Unconsummated Sex?
No insertion of penis in vagina during sex in all attempts so far, for months (even years after marriage) in newly married couple is called unconsummated marriage.
It is a complaint that comes to me very frequently. Or, I have become more adept in diagnosing it.
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THE PRESENTING FEATURE
Or How does the case come to sex therapist?

Usually the man who is newly married complains that he has weak erection or/and premature ejaculation hence he has not been able to insert penis in vagina during sex.
The girl, newly married seeks help because they have not had sex. She complains, "My husband is not showing interest in sex".

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Two things are common in all of them:

They have not had insertion and
They are newly married.

What is the cause? What needs to be done?

Leave aside factors that are presently haunting you such as:

My erection is poor.
I have premature ejaculation
My husband loves me, but he does not show any interest in sex.

DYNAMICS OF PENO-VAGINAL SEXUAL INTERCOURSE
What is happening is, penis is not going inside the vaginal passage.
There is a passenger, the penis, and there is a passage, the vagina.

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Why does penis not go in vaginal passage as it ought to during sex?
Why sexual penetration (I prefer the word insertion) is not happening?
It is more correct to say that the passage is not ready and open to let the penis go inside. In fact the opening of the vagina involuntarily contracts due to fear of pain. The vaginal passage is not accustomed to something going inside it.
The husband also is not experienced in sexual intercourse. Does not know the geography, so cannot decide where to insert.

The answer is that incorrect knowledge causes spasm of the perineal muscles (muscles around the vagina).
The incorrect knowledge, widely prevalent among girls who are attempting first sexual intercourse is, "Initially it pains, there may be some bleeding. However, later on it does not pain."

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WHY UNCONSUMMATED? EXPLAINED WITH EXAMPLE:
[1]
If you have never learned driving and I give you the keys of my limousine, will you be able to drive? What will happen when you struggle to press the accelerator and move the clutch? Most likely you will not get started or you will bump into something or you [husband] in the driver's seat will feel ashamed and wonder, "what will she think of me. I have fallen in her eyes. Am I impotent?" Similar thing happens when two inexperienced people attempt sex during the first time.

[2]
Parents teach us at home elementary things like 'how to eat', 'how to wear a saree'. However, no parent teaches children about 'how to make love'.
In school teachers teach subjects like 'history', 'geography' each year, but there is no subject on 'human intimacy' or 'love and joy' or 'responsible sexual behavior' in the syllabus. THE RESULT IS INCORRECT KNOWLEDGE (NOT ABSENCE OF KNOWLEDGE).

CORRECT GUIDANCE FROM CORRECT PERSON AT CORRECT TIME IS ESSENTIAL FOR INTER-PERSONAL HARMONY AND LOVE AS ALSO FOR SOCIAL WELL BEING AND HEALTH.
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[3]
If a train has to pass through a tunnel and the opening or entry part of the tunnel is blocked by huge boulders, will the train go inside the tunnel?. Even if the train (passenger-penis) is powerful it will not be able to go inside the tunnel (passage-vagina) unless the opening is cleared.
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COMMON STORY
They are usually anxious, this being their first time. They give themselves concession, "Well may be I was tired during the wedding and post wedding rituals. We will be able to do sex during honey moon." When subsequent attempts do not bring result it is traumatic for the 'man'. He [often she too] mistakenly believes that the case is of erectile dysfunction, or impotence or premature ejaculation. All the patience wanes away as months pass. It takes great amount of courage to reach a Therapist.

CURE?
This was brief account of the cause of 'no insertion of penis during sex', that is, 'unconsummated' marriage/sex. We have not touched here treatment modalities.

Let me assure that with the guidance of Sex Therapist even without medicines couples can achieve success, which will not be temporary but one that will last forever. Affectionate understanding between the partners, their cooperation and commitment to the treatment give quicker results.
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What if we do not take help of a counselor or sex therapist?
Not seeking the help of therapist will only delay the matters. It is very unlikely that the problem will get resolved on its own.

IMPORTANT NOTE
This post began with man complaining of poor erection or premature ejaculation. At the end of the post the cause points to the woman's vaginal opening.
DOUBTS
If sex is natural, why should we have this problem?
Do other couples also need therapist? They too are as inexperienced as we are.

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